Do you ever feel like your hard work is finally starting to pay off ... you are doing relatively well in your chosen field... but still, something is holding you back?
If an invisible barrier truly is standing between you and the next level of professional achievement, have you considered whether it might be nothing more than an annoying little habit? It may be possible that one small personality flaw — a longstanding behavioral tick you barely even recognize — is the number one factor that's keeping you from where you want to be in your career, and your life.
In his book " What Got You Here Won't Get You There, How Successful People Become Even More Successful"
Marshall Goldsmith suggests that there is a list of 20 annoying habits that hold us back.
Before we can talk about how to fix our shoddy workplace behavior, we first need to review Goldsmith's list of the "20 Annoying Habits That Hold Us Back." That's because diagnosing the problem is a critical first step on the path of change.
Fortunately, no one person has all of Goldsmith's Annoying Habits. Sure, we may have a few of them, but probably not to a degree that it really hurts us. In other words, our co-workers don't particularly mind them, even if we are occasionally annoying. But, according to the author's research, we all have at least one or two, and they may be serious enough to affect our success at work. Obviously, these are the ones we need to identify and start working on as soon as possible!
Do you recognize any of these annoying behaviors?
| 1. | Winning Too Much. Goldsmith describes this annoying habit as: "the need to win at all costs and in all situations — when it matters, when it doesn't, and when it's totally beside the point." And he notes that it's easily the most common behavioral problem he observes in successful people. Strangely, when we're asked to think about it rationally, most of us would agree that maintaining a positive working relationship with others is far more important than winning every trivial argument and creating unnecessary hard feelings. And yet ... the burning urge to WIN very often gets the better of us. |
| 2. | Adding Too Much Value. This one is described as "the overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion." When you're in a leadership position, this tendency can have a detrimental effect on employee morale. If an employee comes to you with a great idea, Goldsmith's recommended response is to say "Great idea! Go run with it." The alternative would be to say, "Great idea, but here's how we can improve it ..." In the process of adding your two cents, he reasons you may have improved the idea by 10%, but you've reduced the employee's commitment to executing it by 50%, because her idea has now morphed into your idea. Was it really worth it? |
| 3. | Passing Judgment. This is the need to rate others and impose our standards on them. In Goldsmith's view, there's nothing wrong with offering an opinion on a particular path or idea in the normal give and take of business discussions. But it's never appropriate to pass judgment on other people. |
| 4. | Making Destructive Comments. The needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty simply have to go. They can be unnecessarily hurtful, and they're impossible to take back once spoken. |
| 5. | Starting with "No," "But," or "However." Goldsmith points out that we're almost all guilty of blatant overuse of these particular qualifiers, which clearly say to listeners, "I'm right. You're wrong." In the author's experience, when you start a sentence with "but" or any variation thereof, no matter how friendly your tone, the message to the other person is immediately a competitive one. |
| 6. | Telling the World How Smart We Are. This is the unyielding need to show people we're smarter than they seem to think we are. Few people do this overtly in actual words, but many of us do this unwittingly all day long, perhaps even with our body language (e.g. nodding our heads impatiently while people are making a point we already know). According to Goldsmith, what you're subtly saying through these behaviors is, "You really didn't need to waste my time with that information." That can be very off-putting. His advice is to let such moments pass with a simple "Thank you," and move on. |
| 7. | Speaking When Angry. Be wary of using emotional volatility as a management tool. Some bosses deliberately use anger to try and shake things up, but it's very difficult to predict how employees will react to anger. Instead of shaking things up, you may be shutting things down. |
| 8. | Negativity. This is an incessant need to share our negative thoughts, even when we weren't asked. It's similar to Annoying Habit #5 (overusing "No, But and However"), but even worse because it is pure, unadulterated negativity. |
| 9. | Withholding Information is the refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others. Intentionally withholding information is the opposite of adding too much value. In a typical workplace, this often manifests itself in passive-aggressive people who routinely answer questions with other questions or give only partial answers to your e-mail queries. This type of behavior quickly engenders fear and suspicion amongst those around us and it's incompatible with success in today's knowledge-based economy. |
| 10. | Failing to Give Proper Recognition. This is the inability to offer praise and rewards. "When you deprive people of recognition," writes Goldsmith, "you also deprive them of closure. And in any interpersonal transaction — positive or negative — we all need closure." Of all the gaffes we may be guilty of, failing to give proper recognition always endures in the minds of the slighted. |
| 11. | Claiming Credit We Don't Deserve. The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success is by claiming credit we don't deserve. Some people steal credit brazenly. But according to Goldsmith, many of us who display this particular interpersonal flaw do it without even realizing. For example, "When it comes to determining who held together an important client relationship during a particularly rocky phase, the evidence may be fuzzy." So, given the choice between claiming all the credit OR leaving it for someone else to claim, we may fall into a trap. The author's preferred approach is to share the credit as fairly as possible. |
| 12. | Making Excuses. Goldsmith describes this habit as "the need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it." It is not just about making excuses (e.g. "I'm sorry I'm late, the traffic was murder.") It's about attributing our failings to some sort of an inherited genetic flaw that cannot be altered, no matter what (e.g. "I'm sorry I'm late. I've always been terrible at time management. My spouse can't stand it. I guess that's just the way I am!"). Goldsmith writes that he's amazed by how often he hears otherwise brilliant, successful people making willfully self-deprecating comments of that nature. There's no basis for these types of excuses! |
| 13. | Clinging to the Past. This one is all about the need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past. It's closely related to Annoying Habit #19 (blaming everyone else). According to Goldsmith, among the various types of executives he coaches, those who cling to the past are often the toughest ones to fix. For reasons he cannot himself understand, these folks want to re-live past injustices, and blame their parents or former teachers, etc. for things that have gone wrong in their lives. Of course, we can't do anything to change the past. The challenge is to let go. |
| 14. | Playing Favorites often involves failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly. By condoning suck-ups, you're likely not encouraging behavior that's in the best interest of the company. After all, if everyone is always fawning over the boss, who's going to challenge you when you're heading down the wrong path? Worse still, playing favorites tilts the field against the honest, principled employees who refuse to play along. This amounts to a "double hit" of bad news — not only are you playing favorites, but you're likely favoring the wrong type of people! |
| 15. | Refusing to Express Regret.
This is the inability to take responsibility for our actions, or admit
we're wrong. Goldsmith suspects that many people have a fear of
apologizing because they see it as having "lost" a contest (and as
we've seen, many successful people have an irrational need to win at
everything!). The irony, of course, is that saying "I'm sorry," can
have precisely the opposite result. Instead of causing you to lose
ground, a sincere apology can in effect turn disgruntled co-workers
into allies, or even partners. Apologizing is always a winning strategy! |
| 16. | Not Listening is simply "the most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues." The reality for leaders of the future is that very bright people are no longer willing to tolerate rude or disrespectful behavior. If you insist on regularly looking at your watch, or typing away on your Blackberry, while junior staff are giving a presentation or seeking your direction, then there will come a day when those staff simply get up and leave for another company. "Remember, their time is valuable too!" |
| 17. | Failing to Express Gratitude is simply the most basic form of bad manners. As is the case with apologizing, saying "thank you" is a magical super-gesture of interpersonal relations. It will never annoy the person hearing it, and it's the easiest thing in the world to say. Especially when you are stuck for something clever to say. You can never go wrong with "thank you!" |
| 18. | Punishing the Messenger. This one is a misguided need to attack the innocent, who are usually only trying to protect us. If your goal is to stop those around you from giving you input — of any kind — then there's no reason to stop shooting your messengers. But on the other hand, if you happen to possess this annoying habit, all you need to do when you receive a bit of unwelcome news is say "thank you." That's always the best way to keep the lines of communication with your co-workers open, and honest.
|
| 19. | Passing the Buck. This is the need to blame everyone but ourselves. Unlike many of the other Annoying Habits listed here, which are often subtle and can go unnoticed for a period of time, passing the buck is a high-profile behavioral flaw, as obvious as belching in public! "When we pass the buck," writes Goldsmith, "everyone notices, and no one is impressed." The irony, of course, is that no one expects us to be right all the time. Even the brightest lights are not infallible. But when we're wrong, people certainly expect us to own up to it. Admitting as much is a great way to demonstrate character. |
| 20. | An Excessive Need to Be "Me." This last one is about exalting our faults as virtues simply because they exemplify who we are. For instance, Goldsmith has worked with executive clients who feel entitled to express their opinions at any time, no matter how harmful or non-contributory they may be, simply because they're exercising their right to be "me." The sad truth is, no matter who you are, it's never about you. It's about what other people think of you! |
Bad Habits CAN Be Fixed
Once again, the good news is, these behavioral faults are inherently correctable. The fix is within the skill set of every human being. And in some cases (e.g. Annoying Habit #17 — Failing to Express Gratitude), the solution can be as simple as remembering your "thank you's" and learning to deliver them in a sincere way.
Good luck and have Fun
Alan
Comments